Not surprisingly, the divorce rate among Americans is 50% for first marriages, an even-higher 67% for second marriages, and a whopping 75% for third marriages. Evidently, the third time is not a charm when it comes to matrimony. Despite these discouraging figures, more and more people are getting married. And when the inevitable break-ups occur, family and friends often discourage you from trying to get back with you ex, opting instead to coach you through surviving the separation and moving on to finding someone better. Now, despite how it may sound, friends and family are not entirely to blame for helping people push those divorce rates higher. They are just giving bad advice based on details that have been provided to them.
When was the last time you have approached your friends and relatives and sought their advice and they told you that it makes perfect sense for you to get back with your ex? This happens rarely (unless it is a longer-term marriage involving children). In fact, your trusted allies will usually bring up some forgiven problem from the past, hug you, and say things happen for a reason. Some might even suggest they saw the end coming. There is an abundance of reasons for their response. First off, it's much easier to suggest the path of least resistance. Secondly and more importantly, they remember the last fight, the last time you had your heart broken and weren't thinking clearly. Thirdly, and equally important, is that nobody wants to see you return to a situation where you are vulnerable to further heartbreak. They give their "things happen for a reason" response because they love you.
Another interesting fact is that people are more likely to complain about things than praise them. The same holds true for relationships. Rarely will we hang out with our friends and brag about how well our partner treats us, how our partner appreciates everything we do. Obviously, we hold back our praise because we do not want to brag. Also, we come to expect proper treatment, so often it is not even a worthwhile conversation piece to talk about our "everyday" experiences with a partner. This leaves only the complaints, meaning that when friends and family think of our relationship with our partner, they have likely heard way more complaints and than praise about our partner. So, once a break-up happens, their natural response is to urge us to move on.
As an aside: Ever notice how everyone will complain about the high divorce rates quoted in the opening paragraph? Of course, nobody likes to see such a national problem, yet why are we often urged to move on and forget rather than fight to get back with an ex? It's nearly paradoxical...
Given a basic understanding for why our friends and relatives encourage against trying to get back with your ex, it becomes clear that their advice is often the wrong advice. It does not make them enemies or poor friends/relatives -- in fact, it makes them great friends and relatives! But it should also come to light that your feelings and reasons for wanting to get back with an ex are not only justified, but extremely legitimate, especially if the relationship was generally healthy (e.g. no cheating, abuse, lying, etc., etc.). In case of a misunderstanding, most relationships can be repaired, particularly for the long-term.
Typical misunderstandings would include arguments of finances and other value misalignments like promising to meet somewhere at a certain time but failing to do so. Of course, these problems are always trivial in print or when coming from a third-party, but internalized they create great tension in a relationship and are often cited by therapists as the reason for break-ups. With a bit of accommodation and compromise, everything is work-able.
With break-ups rarely being a permanent solution to a relationship, you can definitely succeed when trying to get back with an ex. Using the virtues of patience and objectivity, the resulting, refreshed relationship should gain in momentum and strength. Therefore, the final thought is that friends and family do not like seeing you in emotional pain; their advice to you is often not based on all of the facts and their aim is help you avoid getting hurt in the future. The only way you can know whether you should get back with an ex is through your own feelings. But, statistically speaking, it makes sense for you to strive to keep your relationship together. - 15784
When was the last time you have approached your friends and relatives and sought their advice and they told you that it makes perfect sense for you to get back with your ex? This happens rarely (unless it is a longer-term marriage involving children). In fact, your trusted allies will usually bring up some forgiven problem from the past, hug you, and say things happen for a reason. Some might even suggest they saw the end coming. There is an abundance of reasons for their response. First off, it's much easier to suggest the path of least resistance. Secondly and more importantly, they remember the last fight, the last time you had your heart broken and weren't thinking clearly. Thirdly, and equally important, is that nobody wants to see you return to a situation where you are vulnerable to further heartbreak. They give their "things happen for a reason" response because they love you.
Another interesting fact is that people are more likely to complain about things than praise them. The same holds true for relationships. Rarely will we hang out with our friends and brag about how well our partner treats us, how our partner appreciates everything we do. Obviously, we hold back our praise because we do not want to brag. Also, we come to expect proper treatment, so often it is not even a worthwhile conversation piece to talk about our "everyday" experiences with a partner. This leaves only the complaints, meaning that when friends and family think of our relationship with our partner, they have likely heard way more complaints and than praise about our partner. So, once a break-up happens, their natural response is to urge us to move on.
As an aside: Ever notice how everyone will complain about the high divorce rates quoted in the opening paragraph? Of course, nobody likes to see such a national problem, yet why are we often urged to move on and forget rather than fight to get back with an ex? It's nearly paradoxical...
Given a basic understanding for why our friends and relatives encourage against trying to get back with your ex, it becomes clear that their advice is often the wrong advice. It does not make them enemies or poor friends/relatives -- in fact, it makes them great friends and relatives! But it should also come to light that your feelings and reasons for wanting to get back with an ex are not only justified, but extremely legitimate, especially if the relationship was generally healthy (e.g. no cheating, abuse, lying, etc., etc.). In case of a misunderstanding, most relationships can be repaired, particularly for the long-term.
Typical misunderstandings would include arguments of finances and other value misalignments like promising to meet somewhere at a certain time but failing to do so. Of course, these problems are always trivial in print or when coming from a third-party, but internalized they create great tension in a relationship and are often cited by therapists as the reason for break-ups. With a bit of accommodation and compromise, everything is work-able.
With break-ups rarely being a permanent solution to a relationship, you can definitely succeed when trying to get back with an ex. Using the virtues of patience and objectivity, the resulting, refreshed relationship should gain in momentum and strength. Therefore, the final thought is that friends and family do not like seeing you in emotional pain; their advice to you is often not based on all of the facts and their aim is help you avoid getting hurt in the future. The only way you can know whether you should get back with an ex is through your own feelings. But, statistically speaking, it makes sense for you to strive to keep your relationship together. - 15784
About the Author:
Find out how to get your ex back at www.HelpGetMyExBack.com. For personalized Relationship Advice and to read other articles by Sam Fulcher, go to Sam's Page at The Match Maker Review