The mother in law is often, yet universally known as the interfering, overbearing relative who wants to run your relationship and life. When it comes to discussions regarding how to raise the children, run the household, and generally dealing with life " there always seems to be disagreements. For reasons unexplained, in-laws seem to have the need to inject their opinion into private matters, even when never asked. Naturally, they feel that they are only looking out for the welfare of 'their' family, but are unaware of the aggravation they are causing.
Most of the time, looking at the situation from their point of view can enable you to shrug the comment off. But what about the times when they have gone too far. How do we diffuse the situation with confrontation or rudeness?
If you have analyzed the situation, and have a valid argument (not just hitting back because you were insulted), you should stand your ground. List your reasoning in a calm and diplomatic way. Coming out and saying what needs to be said will show others how you feel towards the subject. Remember though, it isn't likely to change their opinions, simply because they have been opposed. The end goal should be mutual understanding about each persons feelings.
Staying quiet, but still angry underneath can indicate to others that you're either too timid, or agree with what they're saying! This may give the wrong impression, and invite them to make further distasteful comments. Even if you haven't come to a decision, and don't feel the need to speak up yet, it is an idea to at least let them know you're still thinking.
Even seemingly positive comments from an in-law can have hidden meaning. What they say may sound constructive, but has a hint of underlying sarcasm you know is aimed at something else. If these types of situation are not diffused, they can lead to nasty arguments that could be avoided.
Use diplomacy at all times. Be the better person, and refuse to sink to the levels of reciprocal insulting (remember, the comment may not have been intended to insult in the first place). If you know for sure that the remark was definitely intended to hurt you, there are two choices you can follow: first, don't allow the offender to take any satisfaction from what they said. Do this by trying your hardest not to react at all. Second, just tell them that you didn't appreciate the way they put it, and hope they weren't trying to undermine you. Never get angry.
Make sure to politely tell them that although the idea they are suggesting may have worked for their situation, it doesn't mean it is applicable to yours. Show them that you're trying your best, and do not think any method will be better than what you're already doing.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match. - 15784
Most of the time, looking at the situation from their point of view can enable you to shrug the comment off. But what about the times when they have gone too far. How do we diffuse the situation with confrontation or rudeness?
If you have analyzed the situation, and have a valid argument (not just hitting back because you were insulted), you should stand your ground. List your reasoning in a calm and diplomatic way. Coming out and saying what needs to be said will show others how you feel towards the subject. Remember though, it isn't likely to change their opinions, simply because they have been opposed. The end goal should be mutual understanding about each persons feelings.
Staying quiet, but still angry underneath can indicate to others that you're either too timid, or agree with what they're saying! This may give the wrong impression, and invite them to make further distasteful comments. Even if you haven't come to a decision, and don't feel the need to speak up yet, it is an idea to at least let them know you're still thinking.
Even seemingly positive comments from an in-law can have hidden meaning. What they say may sound constructive, but has a hint of underlying sarcasm you know is aimed at something else. If these types of situation are not diffused, they can lead to nasty arguments that could be avoided.
Use diplomacy at all times. Be the better person, and refuse to sink to the levels of reciprocal insulting (remember, the comment may not have been intended to insult in the first place). If you know for sure that the remark was definitely intended to hurt you, there are two choices you can follow: first, don't allow the offender to take any satisfaction from what they said. Do this by trying your hardest not to react at all. Second, just tell them that you didn't appreciate the way they put it, and hope they weren't trying to undermine you. Never get angry.
Make sure to politely tell them that although the idea they are suggesting may have worked for their situation, it doesn't mean it is applicable to yours. Show them that you're trying your best, and do not think any method will be better than what you're already doing.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match. - 15784
About the Author:
Tina Love is the resident editor of the relationships category at Schmoozins - an online magazine for women that gives all women a voice. Join us as a contributor, schmoozer or just hang out a while.