Don't get me wrong. It's vitally important to work towards a great and fulfilling relationship - which of course does not happen over night. It takes time to really understand each other, to appreciate the differences, and to find that bliss that some couples are blessed with.
Good solid honest advice is one of the best things you could have when making a relationship decision. The right advice from the right people could make all the difference when evaluating a mate or situation.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
As if.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
My advice to you - is to be smart right from the beginning. Look out for the signs of an healthy relationship or lover from day one. Be aware, don't make excuses for their behaviour, but also there is no need to be unreasonable or unrealistic in your expectations. As over 60% of marriages now end in divorce - devour this sound advice when making your decisions.
Be Awake Be Aware.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Abusive
If you are experiencing any form of physical abuse - get out now. Especially if children are involved. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated.
If you want to salvage and work on the 'relationship' only do so from a safe distance and only then with the highest regard for your personal safety.
Remember you are only responsible for your own emotions and feelings, you are not responsible for their issues, childhood, and sulks. Do not be a therapist or parent to them or they will never grow, and you will be drained of any energy. Seek professional advice and help immediately.
2. The Bitter One
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Using a neutral third party may be useful in getting them to see their behaviour in the light of day. Assuming you still want to work on the relationship. If not - get out fast while you still have your self respect intact.
3. The Love Rat
They are very suspcious when it comes to your cell phone and emails, but are very secretive about their business. You feel something is not right, but can't quite figure out why.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
Does the thought of you spending time with friends and family - bring on a case of the severe sulk?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If one of you has had a severe nose dive in the libido department, then this could pose some problems in the future. This also applies if you have hugely different drives.
Discuss things openly and honestly with your lover. Sometimes just a few tweeks of time or help in the home could make all the difference.
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Eternal Child
They were and still are a 60's child. Young-ish, free-ish, and not now not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
Be prepared to end up tired and resentful as your needs may not be met.
7. In Need of Repair
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
Their hurts would go on for miles if had the courage to write them down and think them over.
Their fragile selves never really accept the fact that you may like or love them, and are committed to them.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. I'm So Great - Because Mom Says So
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
If you don't mind funny smells, fungi or bacteria you may be in for a great time. However if cleanliness is your thing, you may want to make a speedy departure.
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people care more about themselves than you. That's the cold, hard truth of it. They want you to fuss over them, be there for them, but do think of expecting anything in return.
Clarify your needs and boundaries immediately. State the minimum standards you expect in terms of good manners and consideration. If you still have to tell them after the second warning, they are 'out'.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
Always bear in mind that you may be contributing to the unhealthy relationship via your own issues, beliefs and personality. If you have honestly tried to discuss the situation with your beloved, tried to make great efforts, and have gone out of your way to understand them - they it may be time to make important decisions. A neutral third party is always a great way to view the situation and the people involved in fair and honest way. However if all else fails - put your thinking cap on.
Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect, consideration, and appreciation at all times.
May you always be happy! - 15784
Good solid honest advice is one of the best things you could have when making a relationship decision. The right advice from the right people could make all the difference when evaluating a mate or situation.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
As if.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
My advice to you - is to be smart right from the beginning. Look out for the signs of an healthy relationship or lover from day one. Be aware, don't make excuses for their behaviour, but also there is no need to be unreasonable or unrealistic in your expectations. As over 60% of marriages now end in divorce - devour this sound advice when making your decisions.
Be Awake Be Aware.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Abusive
If you are experiencing any form of physical abuse - get out now. Especially if children are involved. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated.
If you want to salvage and work on the 'relationship' only do so from a safe distance and only then with the highest regard for your personal safety.
Remember you are only responsible for your own emotions and feelings, you are not responsible for their issues, childhood, and sulks. Do not be a therapist or parent to them or they will never grow, and you will be drained of any energy. Seek professional advice and help immediately.
2. The Bitter One
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Using a neutral third party may be useful in getting them to see their behaviour in the light of day. Assuming you still want to work on the relationship. If not - get out fast while you still have your self respect intact.
3. The Love Rat
They are very suspcious when it comes to your cell phone and emails, but are very secretive about their business. You feel something is not right, but can't quite figure out why.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
Does the thought of you spending time with friends and family - bring on a case of the severe sulk?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If one of you has had a severe nose dive in the libido department, then this could pose some problems in the future. This also applies if you have hugely different drives.
Discuss things openly and honestly with your lover. Sometimes just a few tweeks of time or help in the home could make all the difference.
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Eternal Child
They were and still are a 60's child. Young-ish, free-ish, and not now not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
Be prepared to end up tired and resentful as your needs may not be met.
7. In Need of Repair
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
Their hurts would go on for miles if had the courage to write them down and think them over.
Their fragile selves never really accept the fact that you may like or love them, and are committed to them.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. I'm So Great - Because Mom Says So
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
If you don't mind funny smells, fungi or bacteria you may be in for a great time. However if cleanliness is your thing, you may want to make a speedy departure.
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people care more about themselves than you. That's the cold, hard truth of it. They want you to fuss over them, be there for them, but do think of expecting anything in return.
Clarify your needs and boundaries immediately. State the minimum standards you expect in terms of good manners and consideration. If you still have to tell them after the second warning, they are 'out'.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
Always bear in mind that you may be contributing to the unhealthy relationship via your own issues, beliefs and personality. If you have honestly tried to discuss the situation with your beloved, tried to make great efforts, and have gone out of your way to understand them - they it may be time to make important decisions. A neutral third party is always a great way to view the situation and the people involved in fair and honest way. However if all else fails - put your thinking cap on.
Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect, consideration, and appreciation at all times.
May you always be happy! - 15784
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving relationship help to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!