Most of us believe that once trust is broken in a relationship that it can't be restored. However, there are several specific things you can do if you wronged your mate and broke the trust in your relationship.
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this. You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.
That is a great start! It is entirely different from all the bs we usually get when there is a problem in a relationship. I screwed up and Im owning up to it is a very powerful thing " if you mean it and dont keep screwing up.
Step Two follows right on top of this. You then need to acknowledge that you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain caused.
Your partner is hurting over what happened. So you own up to their hurt feelings as well, since you caused them! "I know I caused you pain, and left you broken hearted..."
Remarkable! Your partner has probably never heard anything like this from you before. You aren't trying to explain yourself, you are owning that you not only did the deed but caused emotional damage to them by doing it. Wow!
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
When most of us say "I'm sorry!" it doesn't work because the apology doesn't include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you've done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but this is a great start. - 15784
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this. You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.
That is a great start! It is entirely different from all the bs we usually get when there is a problem in a relationship. I screwed up and Im owning up to it is a very powerful thing " if you mean it and dont keep screwing up.
Step Two follows right on top of this. You then need to acknowledge that you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain caused.
Your partner is hurting over what happened. So you own up to their hurt feelings as well, since you caused them! "I know I caused you pain, and left you broken hearted..."
Remarkable! Your partner has probably never heard anything like this from you before. You aren't trying to explain yourself, you are owning that you not only did the deed but caused emotional damage to them by doing it. Wow!
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
When most of us say "I'm sorry!" it doesn't work because the apology doesn't include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you've done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but this is a great start. - 15784
About the Author:
You can learn a 7 Step Plan to get your ex back in a book about Relationship Help On How To Get Your Ex Back. John Laney teaches relationship skills and you can get a free course here on 7 Vital Relationship Help Insights You Should Know.