Saturday, February 7, 2009

How Do You Tell If You Are Part Of A Toxic Relationship

By Samantha Jones

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Your partner starts criticizing you in front of other people.

They say the words "I love you" but act like they can't stand you.

Your special someone turns into a control freak ? checking up on you at places you go or poking into your emails.

They attempt to have you become dependent on them.

Your partner wants you to change your personality to suit them.

You can almost be ill when you have to be around these toxic people. Why in the world do people get into these relationships that are so toxic? Why would they want to be around a person that causes them to feel harmed either physically or emotionally.

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation ? at which point the cycle begins anew.

The first meeting of you partner, it is obvious that this is the honeymoon period. It's not until a bit of time has passed that you suddenly realize that you are stuck in this relationship that is toxic. At this stage you may find it hard to break away.

This happens for a few reasons one being that often times people in relationships that are toxic grew up in families that were toxic. This results with them duplicating what they knew from childhood sometimes not realizing what they're doing. They truly may not understand how to act any better. Other people just don't think they have happiness coming to them. Then there are the ones that like taking care of others.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

When you learn that there are choices, then you need to begin to stand your ground. Most of the time in relationships that are toxic, your toxic partner winds up convincing you it is totally your fault. Once you believe this, it can be so hard to either end the relationship or make new rules to help mend the relationship.

Many people find help by getting some kind of group therapy, where they learn how to move out of these relationships or at least change them into nontoxic ones.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

While others succeed in repairing their relationship and continue on but much happier.

The whole truth is most of these toxic relationships can be saved. At times it only takes one giving the other one some space. Sometimes it takes counseling. When both partners work together to correct things, it is very possible to make the bond stronger and go onto last for years.

You need to first decide if you can save the relationship or if you should just let it die. If you just want to let it die, you never will repair it at all.

Once you decide to get rid of the dependency at the heart of this very toxic relationship, you then can begin to reassert yourself and stating what your needs are in the relationship. Don't nag your partner though. Just state whether you need love, an honest opinion, or just support from them.

And if by chance they don't give you what you need, they should be told that you're prepared to call it quits.

A good relationship is a two way deal. With a relationship that is toxic, the deal seems to be only one sided. You have the ability to alter that, but you have to take charge of things for yourself. - 15784

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