Have you ever wondered why so many female friends can recommend you as "great catch" but you have no girlfriend? You might be surprised to learn that most guys are afraid to approach women, and this plays a key role in why a lot of them are not only single, but lack the companionship they want. Often, these same guys may be very comfortable with women in general, but these women are usually introduced by friends, at social gatherings, and at work, so these situations don't really count because these instances aren't usually intended to land a woman in bed or bring her to the altar. For the doubters out there, consider that most of these guys, and you may be one of them, have plenty of female contacts who consider them great "friends" even though most of these are looking for companionship, not friendship.
Ask most of these single guys why they aren't dating someone and chances are they will tell you that they simply cannot approach women, particularly strangers. Okay, most will probably not admit to this because many don't know it themselves. As humans, we expect appreciation and we have been raised on fairy tales and romance, believing that we do not need to approach women because our true love, or women, will approach us... if we are worthy, of course.
In reality, a lot of guys fail miserably when it comes to finding new women. Our insecurities rush to the surface and take control. We concoct a list that could stretch a mile long for why we should not approach women. Sound familiar? If not yet, consider the excuses: she surely has a boyfriend; she won't talk to me; she's too good-looking for me; she probably has a line of guys waiting outside her door at night, why would she pick me; I don't have money, a good job, I couldn't possibly win in a situation like this; just forget it. The list continues, by the way!
The good news is that our fear about women may have been hard-wired over the ages. Well, that is one theory out there, anyway, and it suggests that this hard-wiring dates back to the caveman days. If you look at this theory, it seems to have some validity. You can test it on your own with any social animal by throwing a third, say, chimp, into a group of other chimps where there is one female of interest. This new chimp will compete with other chimps for her attention and with aggressive animals this new arrival might even lose his life for even trying to attract the female! So, we conflict thanks to our caveman ancestors who might have died to meet women. And since nobody wants conflict in their life, why approach women at all? Why not opt to fly below the radar and let the "right" woman find us?
The biggest downfall with letting women come to us is that it will almost never happen. As men, we need to take action when it comes to finding women. The reason is that, while women's rights have progressed politically, legally, and professionally, they sadly have not progressed all that much socially. Dowries and arranged marriages may not be common in our everyday culture, but a hundred or so years ago they were. And, let's face it, they continue to exist in a lot of today's cultures. So if our fear of approaching women is hard-wired, what have women been hard-wired to believe?
Most of us cannot rely on our family to hook us up with the type of women we dream of, so we have to do the arranging ourselves. And most women know that they are in the position of power when it comes to deciding whether to let us into their lives. They control whether we are rejected or accepted. They also know that once they let us in, they lose social control over their lives, voluntarily trading in their position as President and CEO for that of co-president and co-chair (at least insofar as their everyday lives are concerned)
The question becomes how do we win a woman's approval and convince her to accept us? The first step is that we must first learn how to comfortably and successfully approach women. After we realize and reprogram our values and beliefs that have been programmed into our head over thousands of years, we can then start seeking, approaching, and winning the true right woman.
Easier said than done, of course. And if you do manage to design a perfect way to approach women, having her accept you is just the first of several steps of a long-term relationship. Because after winning her, you will need to know how to keep her! - 15784
Ask most of these single guys why they aren't dating someone and chances are they will tell you that they simply cannot approach women, particularly strangers. Okay, most will probably not admit to this because many don't know it themselves. As humans, we expect appreciation and we have been raised on fairy tales and romance, believing that we do not need to approach women because our true love, or women, will approach us... if we are worthy, of course.
In reality, a lot of guys fail miserably when it comes to finding new women. Our insecurities rush to the surface and take control. We concoct a list that could stretch a mile long for why we should not approach women. Sound familiar? If not yet, consider the excuses: she surely has a boyfriend; she won't talk to me; she's too good-looking for me; she probably has a line of guys waiting outside her door at night, why would she pick me; I don't have money, a good job, I couldn't possibly win in a situation like this; just forget it. The list continues, by the way!
The good news is that our fear about women may have been hard-wired over the ages. Well, that is one theory out there, anyway, and it suggests that this hard-wiring dates back to the caveman days. If you look at this theory, it seems to have some validity. You can test it on your own with any social animal by throwing a third, say, chimp, into a group of other chimps where there is one female of interest. This new chimp will compete with other chimps for her attention and with aggressive animals this new arrival might even lose his life for even trying to attract the female! So, we conflict thanks to our caveman ancestors who might have died to meet women. And since nobody wants conflict in their life, why approach women at all? Why not opt to fly below the radar and let the "right" woman find us?
The biggest downfall with letting women come to us is that it will almost never happen. As men, we need to take action when it comes to finding women. The reason is that, while women's rights have progressed politically, legally, and professionally, they sadly have not progressed all that much socially. Dowries and arranged marriages may not be common in our everyday culture, but a hundred or so years ago they were. And, let's face it, they continue to exist in a lot of today's cultures. So if our fear of approaching women is hard-wired, what have women been hard-wired to believe?
Most of us cannot rely on our family to hook us up with the type of women we dream of, so we have to do the arranging ourselves. And most women know that they are in the position of power when it comes to deciding whether to let us into their lives. They control whether we are rejected or accepted. They also know that once they let us in, they lose social control over their lives, voluntarily trading in their position as President and CEO for that of co-president and co-chair (at least insofar as their everyday lives are concerned)
The question becomes how do we win a woman's approval and convince her to accept us? The first step is that we must first learn how to comfortably and successfully approach women. After we realize and reprogram our values and beliefs that have been programmed into our head over thousands of years, we can then start seeking, approaching, and winning the true right woman.
Easier said than done, of course. And if you do manage to design a perfect way to approach women, having her accept you is just the first of several steps of a long-term relationship. Because after winning her, you will need to know how to keep her! - 15784
About the Author:
Daryl Duke provides pro-bono advice and material to males who want to Find, Attract, and Keep The Right Woman. Be sure to read his Blog.