When we first came into the world, we were innocent with no conflicts. We were born into families that loved and cared for us in their own ways. And our families had other baggage which was also being shown to us and presented as how things normally are.
As we grew up, we didn't think about whether we wanted it or not, we just soaked it all up like sponges because that's all we knew to do. And those experiences as we grew up, formed who we are today. Most of us never really consider it, but we are prewired in certain ways, based on traits we learned from our families. Marriages can be affected by this, and often we aren't aware of what we're doing that is wrong.
When I got married, I thought that fighting was just slamming doors and banging things and holding a grudge. My husband was raised differently, in that his family carried on arguments by screaming at each other, so for a long time our arguments consisted of him screaming and me slamming and pouting. Neither of us realized that we were merely doing what we had seen growing up, but once we figured it out, we were able to begin to work out the problems and correct them.
Both my husband I had always disliked the way our respective parents had dealt with conflict. But lo and behold, there we were several years later, doing exactly the same thing we had seen and experienced growing up. He and I eventually agreed that this was not a proper way to resolve conflicts, so we committed to working to find better solutions.
You first must accept problems and conflicts to be true before you can change them. Once you acknowledge the patterns, then you must create your own patterns. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship is a must if there is to be a workable solution found. - 15784
As we grew up, we didn't think about whether we wanted it or not, we just soaked it all up like sponges because that's all we knew to do. And those experiences as we grew up, formed who we are today. Most of us never really consider it, but we are prewired in certain ways, based on traits we learned from our families. Marriages can be affected by this, and often we aren't aware of what we're doing that is wrong.
When I got married, I thought that fighting was just slamming doors and banging things and holding a grudge. My husband was raised differently, in that his family carried on arguments by screaming at each other, so for a long time our arguments consisted of him screaming and me slamming and pouting. Neither of us realized that we were merely doing what we had seen growing up, but once we figured it out, we were able to begin to work out the problems and correct them.
Both my husband I had always disliked the way our respective parents had dealt with conflict. But lo and behold, there we were several years later, doing exactly the same thing we had seen and experienced growing up. He and I eventually agreed that this was not a proper way to resolve conflicts, so we committed to working to find better solutions.
You first must accept problems and conflicts to be true before you can change them. Once you acknowledge the patterns, then you must create your own patterns. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship is a must if there is to be a workable solution found. - 15784
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