Many break-up victims seek free advice from one of the many forums on the internet. Distressed by the circumstances of a relationship, these people are susceptible to inaccurate and unproductive feedback when really they are seeking ways to get back with an ex. While getting back together might not be the wisest thing in some cases, most forum respondents will automatically encourage ending the relationship rather than promote saving a marriage or relationship.
Now, saving a marriage or other relationship should always be the first recommendation in most cases. The reason for this is twofold. Plus, with divorce rates at startling highs -- 50% for first marriages, 67% for second marriages, and 74% for third marriages -- it makes more sense now than ever before that people should be given a second chance.
The first reason is that the people who post on these forums do not understand the full circumstances of the relationship (ironically, they will privately bash the people they "help" and in the same breath condemn the high divorce rates). Why they discourage people from getting back together makes little sense -- and if you have ever seen these forums, you know that comments like "Dump that jerk, get rid of his stuff and get on with your life!" are so common. But understand that these posts are without foundation; they do not understand the details that led to the original post.
Secondly, trying to get back with an ex often leads people to act in an irrational manner. This comes with the territory of feeling like you have lost control, but instead of being conducive to saving a marriage it can actually cause structure damage to it. Far too often, people will act on emotion and resort to name-calling or crazy text-message or voicemail stalking. All this is done with the intention of saving a marriage or relationship, but remember that the person who did the dumping never fell in love with a crazy name-caller or stalker, so why would he or she want to take one back? It makes little sense, which reinforces the need to think and act rationally and logically... easier said than done, though.
In nearly all cases, saving a marriage or relationship makes the most sense. Consider that during the course of a relationship, both parties ultimately build a comfort zone. Starting a new relationship involves risk -- risk of failure, risk of discomfort with the other party. Most people are averse to taking such risks and prefer to stick it out. In fact, our psychological hard-wiring has made it easier for us to put up with someone who borders on emotionally abusive than to risk starting a new relationship with someone else. For the most part, forum posters fail to realize this and come up with more-difficult recommendations.
In summary, forum posters who encourage a fresh start with someone new are essentially shifting the blame for the break up to the party who is seeking advice in the first place. Often, posters will try to point out general flaws in the offending party without having a full understanding of the relationship or circumstances surrounding the break up. As a result, it is always best to take advice on forums with a grain of salt, which is not always easily done in moment of heartache and desperation. Surely, most posters have good intentions, but their posts do little to mend a marginally broken relationship. By discounting the benefits to saving a marriage or other relationship, they are essentially encouraging avenues that only complicate matters further. - 15784
Now, saving a marriage or other relationship should always be the first recommendation in most cases. The reason for this is twofold. Plus, with divorce rates at startling highs -- 50% for first marriages, 67% for second marriages, and 74% for third marriages -- it makes more sense now than ever before that people should be given a second chance.
The first reason is that the people who post on these forums do not understand the full circumstances of the relationship (ironically, they will privately bash the people they "help" and in the same breath condemn the high divorce rates). Why they discourage people from getting back together makes little sense -- and if you have ever seen these forums, you know that comments like "Dump that jerk, get rid of his stuff and get on with your life!" are so common. But understand that these posts are without foundation; they do not understand the details that led to the original post.
Secondly, trying to get back with an ex often leads people to act in an irrational manner. This comes with the territory of feeling like you have lost control, but instead of being conducive to saving a marriage it can actually cause structure damage to it. Far too often, people will act on emotion and resort to name-calling or crazy text-message or voicemail stalking. All this is done with the intention of saving a marriage or relationship, but remember that the person who did the dumping never fell in love with a crazy name-caller or stalker, so why would he or she want to take one back? It makes little sense, which reinforces the need to think and act rationally and logically... easier said than done, though.
In nearly all cases, saving a marriage or relationship makes the most sense. Consider that during the course of a relationship, both parties ultimately build a comfort zone. Starting a new relationship involves risk -- risk of failure, risk of discomfort with the other party. Most people are averse to taking such risks and prefer to stick it out. In fact, our psychological hard-wiring has made it easier for us to put up with someone who borders on emotionally abusive than to risk starting a new relationship with someone else. For the most part, forum posters fail to realize this and come up with more-difficult recommendations.
In summary, forum posters who encourage a fresh start with someone new are essentially shifting the blame for the break up to the party who is seeking advice in the first place. Often, posters will try to point out general flaws in the offending party without having a full understanding of the relationship or circumstances surrounding the break up. As a result, it is always best to take advice on forums with a grain of salt, which is not always easily done in moment of heartache and desperation. Surely, most posters have good intentions, but their posts do little to mend a marginally broken relationship. By discounting the benefits to saving a marriage or other relationship, they are essentially encouraging avenues that only complicate matters further. - 15784
About the Author:
As the Relationship Advisor for The Match Maker Review Sam Fulcher supports saving marriages. The site's premium service that allows members priority access to Sam's advice.