Friday, February 6, 2009

How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

By Samantha Jones

How can you know if your relationship is toxic? Let me give you some clues:

Your significant other starts putting you down in a crowd.

They profess their love for you, but don't act like they truly do.

? Your partner is controlling ? reading your mail or "showing up" at places you are just to "check up" on you.

You partner will desire you to be very dependent on them.

? You have changed things about yourself to please them.

You can almost be ill when you have to be around these toxic people. Why in the world do people get into these relationships that are so toxic? Why would they want to be around a person that causes them to feel harmed either physically or emotionally.

There is a cycle to a relationship that is toxic. There is the period that is the honeymoon, then the blow up occurs, then the reconciliation follows ? at this point another cycle begins.

It is during your first meeting that the honeymoon stage takes place. It isn't until they have you tightly in their grip that you see that you are in a relationship that is toxic. This is the stage where it is hard to call it quits.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

First thing to realize when trying to get out and stay out of a relationship that is toxic is to know that choices are available to you. Many times when people do not get out of these kinds of relationships it is due to either depression or low self esteem.

Once you understand that these choices exist, then start demanding your rights. In numerous relationships that are toxic, the partner that is toxic has brainwashed you into thinking it is your fault. When you believe this, it will make it very hard to either repair what is left of the relationship or to leave it.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

Then other people manage to heal their toxic relationship and go onto be happy.

The whole truth is most of these toxic relationships can be saved. At times it only takes one giving the other one some space. Sometimes it takes counseling. When both partners work together to correct things, it is very possible to make the bond stronger and go onto last for years.

You need to first decide if you can save the relationship or if you should just let it die. If you just want to let it die, you never will repair it at all.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say "I need your support," "I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

And if by chance they don't give you what you need, they should be told that you're prepared to call it quits.

A good relationship is a two way deal. With a relationship that is toxic, the deal seems to be only one sided. You have the ability to alter that, but you have to take charge of things for yourself. - 15784

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