Friday, February 6, 2009

How Do You Tell If You Are Part Of A Toxic Relationship

By Samantha Jones

How do you know if you are part of a toxic relationship? Some of these clues will tell you:

Your significant other starts putting you down in a crowd.

They profess their love for you, but don't act like they truly do.

They begin to be controlling by popping up at your hang outs unannounced to check up on you, or reading your messages on your email or cell phone.

They attempt to have you become dependent on them.

Your partner wants you to change your personality to suit them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation ? at which point the cycle begins anew.

The first meeting of you partner, it is obvious that this is the honeymoon period. It's not until a bit of time has passed that you suddenly realize that you are stuck in this relationship that is toxic. At this stage you may find it hard to break away.

Some of the people wind up participating in toxic relationships because it is all they have known, due to the fact they grew up in a toxic family. Because of this they wind up repeating the ideals of their childhood not even understanding what they are doing. The pity is that they usually don't know how to act better. Many though believe that they don't deserve to be happy. Then there are those that enjoy caring for others.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

Many people find help by getting some kind of group therapy, where they learn how to move out of these relationships or at least change them into nontoxic ones.

The good facts are though that many are breaking these toxic cycles more and more fix their relationships. Sometimes they even end the relationships and find new happier, healthy ones.

While others succeed in repairing their relationship and continue on but much happier.

The whole truth is most of these toxic relationships can be saved. At times it only takes one giving the other one some space. Sometimes it takes counseling. When both partners work together to correct things, it is very possible to make the bond stronger and go onto last for years.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you aren't willing to walk away, you'll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say "I need your support," "I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. - 15784

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